And the Winner is...Kimberly-Clark Corporation for Kleenex

I’ve been busy lately, hence the lack of recent blog postings. However, when I received an e-mail of complaint from my Canadian reader, I knew I could no longer disappoint my public, even if my public consists of one loyal friend.

I wish I could say I’ve been out there trying to save the world, but my reasons are far less heroic. Jose and I have been trying to see as many of the Oscar nominees as we can--the movies, that is, not the nominees themselves. That would truly be exhausting. As it is, we’re drained, emotionally, financially and in the square posterior department. And boy, have we been using up the Kleenex. This year’s nominations have lead us on an emotional rollercoaster ride through death and destruction, torture and deceit, and the general unpleasantness of life and people.

We started out with The Departed, a movie that I wanted to leave in the first ten minutes. I see enough cold-hearted cruelty in the daily newspaper without forking over hard-earned cash to see it acted out. I was glad I stuck it out, though, no matter how weak-kneed I felt by the end. It’s always satisfying to walk out of movie and say, “I didn’t see that coming!”

We made it through Babel, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Queen, and Notes on a Scandal. We sat through An Inconvenient Truth and made it all the way to The Last King of Scotland. And that’s where we stopped. We still owe ourselves Letters from Iwo Jima, Little Children, Blood Diamond and United 93, but frankly we can’t take it any more. We spent most of Pan’s Labyrinth peering out from behind our jackets hoping the things we thought could happen wouldn’t happen and not being surprised or particularly pleased when they did. We left An Inconvenient Truth wondering if we ought to end it all there and then rather than waiting for the predicted Apocalypse. We finally decided to take a break and enjoy a fun fantasy movie. We chose Bridge to Terabithia. Well, that was a bundle of laughs. We used most of our popcorn napkins to mop up the gallons of tears we shed. Thank goodness for Little Miss Sunshine and Dreamgirls, which at least provided some entertainment and humor amongst the tragic deaths and tales of life’s injustices.

It’s not that I don’t take the subject matters of the other movies seriously. I do. I hope An Inconvenient Truth wins Best Documentary Feature, if that’s what it takes to wake up our politicians and our society. I’m rooting for Jennifer Hudson to take home the Best Supporting Actress trophy, because I think her performance was outstanding and she deserves it. It would be kind of an ironic twist considering the role she played, plus what a snub to American Idol.

Not all my Oscar picks are based on vendetta. I’m rooting for Forest Whitaker to take home Best Actor for his stellar portrayal of Ugandan dictator, Idi Amin and I’ll be cheering for The Queen for Best Picture because it was just as good the second time I saw it and it was a truly beautiful movie. I think I may be backing a three-legged horse there, but if Babel wins I’m boycotting the Oscars from here forward. And on that subject, if I hear Babel mispronounced as ‘babble’ one more time… I only went to Sunday school once and we did Jonah and the Whale that day, but for the record, Babel, (pronounced Bay-b’l, according to Merriam-Webster’s and The Oxford English Dictionary) was the place where God jinxed us all and made us speak different languages so we couldn’t communicate and build a tower to heaven. If it was pronounced Ba-b’l, as in to talk unintelligently, it would have been spelled babble. I may not be able to watch the ceremony for that reason alone (that and the fact that we don’t own a TV.)

So now we have that cleared up, here are my picks for the Biggie awards:

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker, because he was brilliant and I like him (and he was in truth the only Best Actor nominee I actually got to see in action)

Best Actress: Helen Mirren, because she did an incredible job of taking the audience on the emotional journey of a truly stoic woman and she didn’t yell once.

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin because he was a sport and I haven’t seen Little Children or Blood Diamond.

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson, for all reasons listed earlier and she made me laugh, which this year was a blessing.

Best Directing: United 93, because I don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to directing but my gut tells me this one’s a winner.

Best Picture: I want it to be The Queen because I'm biased towards nice old English ladies, or maybe The Departed because I apparently have a soft spot for cold-blooded Irish Mafiosi, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Babel is going to win just to aggravate me.

So, there you have it. I wouldn’t recommend laying down too much money based on these tips. I pick my Oscar favorites by a method similar to the one I use for picking horses and greyhounds, but every now and then, the one with the shiny coat or the spotted jersey wins.

So, I’m off to see something mindless and entertaining. Perhaps I’ll see Oscar nominee Eddie Murphy in his newest movie, Norbit. Then again, maybe not.